My spam emails have been giving me a bit of a giggle lately. I have been intrigued by catchy little lines like this gem:-
MALE FEATURE WORTHY OF CASANOVA! Of course I then opened the email to read this. Don’t you want to spend your life suffering from your moderate love luger?
Well no actually, I dont. And how exactly does one suffer from a moderate love luger hmmm???
Then there was this, “Love tool deserving of a titan” with the following promise.
“You’ll cause her eyebrows to raise, when you pull out your newly upgraded love gun!”
I think I would do more than raise my eyebrows if my hubby’s penis had suddenly turned into a gun.
Another reference to a ‘love luger’ promised, As it grows longer, she will beg of you to penetrate her flower!
Ok, so if I am not mistaken, penises are guns, whilst vaginas are pretty flowers. So now I can just casually mention to the spouse that my flower needs shooting, and I don’t even need to say the word sex anymore. I could even yell it out loudly in public, “Jeffreeey shoot my flower” and casual passers by would just think that I was having issues with the roses. Hmmm…
I just raced out to the shed, camera in hand and demanded that Jeffrey shoot my flower. Here is his reaction. Yes, he is looking at me like I am a total nutter.
Rightio now back to the emails.
Then we have the miracle cures. Add 2 inches to your dick size easily with just 2 pills of our formula per day.
At least this one called a penis a dick, I was getting a bit tired of lugers. There were promises of permanent huge enlargements of your erect penis. Wouldn’t you get a bit tired with a permanently erect penis even if it was huge? Well it would be fun initially but I am sure that it would be a bit of a nuisance after a while and If the penis is as large as these miracle pills promise, well then there is a very real danger of slamming your penis in the car door or schwacking it accidentally or even *gasp* receiving a black eye from your own penis.
Phew I am glad I only have a flower.
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hehe
Tazs last blog post..28 Weeks Old..
A love luger? Sounds like something you would find AFTER sex. Sort of like snot.
Pissing myself at the visual of slamming your penis in the car door.
Veronicas last blog post..Alien Abductions?
Lets face it. It’s the aliens behind all this. The implants are actually their probes inserted into the dicks so that women won’t complain about being probed………….. that is of course until they get a hold of their hairbrushes to make them look like haystacks…..
hmmm. I’m rambling. Time for bed. Or more drugs.
Bettinas last blog post..The bastards in charge don’t like fat chicks
Veronica’s comment was so funny!
Your site looks great – I love the changes – very nice!
Hope you have been well – good to see you – Kellan
Don’t tell anyone, but Lugers are small. They’re little tiny guns with small barrels. Now me, I’m rather proud of my 12 gauge pump. That shoots the big load of double ought buck. You know – the heavy load with the big wad. Yessir, proud of that one, I am.
lceels last blog post..Okay, now I’m gonna say PLEASE.
OH MY GAWD. This one’s gonna keep me laughing all afternoon. And Lceel didn’t help matters.
It brings a whole new meaning to NEVER LOOK DOWN THE BARREL!
You’ll shoot your eye out.
“Blowing your brains out” anyone?
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A positive negative
Lemme get this straight…you were able to tell your hubby to shoot your flower and you made it back out fully clothed back to your blog with nothing but a new picture? My word woman, you have mad skillz! haha…If I so much as look at my man the wrong way I have to fight him off for all eternity.
I couldn’t tell you the color of his eyes…I refuse to make eye contact any more…it may give him the wrong idea hahahaha
I love your blog btw….and your daughters. I stumbled upon you one insomniac night from Lotus’ blog….good peeps you all are…good peeps indeed
Deegs last blog post..Silence!
Funny post! And here I mostly get the Nigerian scam and Viagra ads. Nothing as *interesting* as your inbox.
Mrs. Cs last blog post..Why Do You Leave? Why Do You Stay?
I ignore all those spam emails, I firmly believe it’s not the size it’s how you use it. Nobody in their right mind would want a horse size penis or a never ending erection. Think of the clothing alterations needed! and of course like you said there is the getting caught in the car door factor. Imagine phoning the boss to say you couldn’t make it in to work because of a personal injury and of course he’d say well, what happened?
I tend to sing ‘Happiness is a warm gun’ by the Beatles. Even though I don’t have a gun. I own one, but I choose to let MPS wear it. For now…
I have to wonder who sits there writing those emails. I mean, a luger? wtf?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Very funny Kim!
Jientjes last blog post..Wordless Wednesday, Absolutely Wordless!
LOL – you get some great spam …I only get Nigerian spam too .Your comments are just as funny.
Trishs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Mother’s remote
Schwacking, it’s made it here too. 🙂
My grandmother had a dachshund with a ‘problem’. His ‘love luger’ dragged along the ground. Poor old bugger.
I can just picture Anja walking around behind her granny’s mutt holding it’s hotdog like a leash….
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Missing
Oh, I needed that belly laugh you just gave me. Funny, funny writing. I think I’ll need to look around and see what else you have waiting for me on this blog.
Debbies last blog post..Quentin Tarantino, Brad Pitt, and my home
Obviously at some point someone responds to those emails which is what really worries me…
THANKS FOR LINKING TODAY!
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..What not to wear: pajama edition
Ha…love gun…will have to tell the hubby (a cop) about that one!
Too funny.
Reluctant Housewifes last blog post..Me and Mom
I can only imagine the google searches that land on your blog as a result of this post. 🙂
I think most men (and their spam marketers) have a fear of saying the word “penis”.
The shoot my flower made me LOL. I too get a lot of spam. NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU NAKEN… AND NO, I DON’T WANT A PENIS EXTENTION!
LOL! I wanna love luger
Hilarious! Love the blog carnival. I’ve just been voting in the bewbfest, and now I’ve got the “Shoot my flower” line up my sleeve as well. Yes indeed, I am having a ball.
Oh my goodness what a laugh! I was laughing about the calling out “shoot my flower” but when I got to the car door and the black eye I nearly fell off the couch. Thank-you so much for the giggle!
I am soooo glad that I have a tiny flower errrr that I am a tiny flower. hehehe