When Mum had to be admitted to hospital, eleven days before she died, there were a lot of friends and family wanting information and my phone ran hot. So I decided to give anyone that wanted it my blog address. I was then able to write one or two blog-posts telling how Mum was going. I also avoided the stress of the phone ringing off the hook.
Previously my blog had been a semi private affair, well as private as anything on the internet can be. Now it seems that every man and his dog has my blog address and I feel that some sort of explanation of how I use my blog is required.
When I first moved up here, to the block of land my Mother gave me, I struggled with the isolation. I didn’t know how to drive and I found myself spending days alone with my toddler Veronica, whilst Jeff was off pretending that he was still a single man. We were both in our early twenties and we still had a lot of growing up to do.
I kept a diary. I wrote long letters to friends and I found a kindred spirit in my Mother in Law, who was a passionate letter writer as well. The simple act of writing eased my loneliness and in my MIL, I found a ready ear for all my dreams and aspirations for the future. Sadly Deanna passed away when Vonnie was small and writing this has reminded me to ask Jeff’s Dad if he still has those old letters.
I also found that once I had written out my pain or anger or frustrations into my diary they didn’t trouble me any more and I was able to get on with the business of raising my family and building our home.
My blog is a lot like those early diaries. Here I can dream about the future as well as write out my anguish.
Mum understood what my blog meant and she understood how I used it to get all the words out of my head.
I am an artist and I read a quote somewhere that I have mangled but the gist of it is, “when the pain of not working is greater than the pain of working” That is how I feel about my ceramic work. The simple act of making Boganvillainy was enough. The making of the work was the important part, the fact that I actually exhibited the work was secondary.
The work needed to be made and sometimes when the work demands to be made I end up going places that are quite unexpected.
The words are the same. I need to get them out of my head. This blog is the place where I dump all my excess words, not quite the literary equivalent of a toilet but the act is very similar, cleansing and cathartic.
At this moment in time I am grieving my Mother and my brain is still not working. I am struggling to stay afloat in a sea of tears and I do feel as though I am drowning in sorrow.
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I never fully appreciated a blog until now.
Tanyas last blog post..1 month old
((hugs))
Marylins last blog post..New beginnings
I know how losing your mother hurts. It took me three years before I could even write about her. Too painful.It’s better now than it was. The tears are necessary, but I found them embarrassing when I was out in public.
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Yep. You need a blog. :]
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Love that idea, that the pain of not writing something is greater than writing it.
Very apt right now.
Mind yourself Kim.
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That’s why I started my blog too (although I’m not half as good as you are .. putting words to paper in a good literary way!) My Mum and I exchanged letters on a regular basis since 1974 when we moved to SA from Zimbabwe !! We then advanced in the latter years to emails. We were never close when I was growing up but we became very close over the years through our letter writing. We only saw each other about once a year until my Dad became ill and she started getting older – then visits became a necessity – and still are .. I go to the Cape to see her in the Home as often as I can.
Grieving is hard but necessary – your Mum will always be with you.
Avrils last blog post..Skywatch Friday : Washday blues
I forget that my blog is really a journal,a diary…especially when I go for days (or weeks!) posting nothing but inane videos or surveys. But when I first started blogging ten years ago, my blog was a place of catharsis, introspection, and healing. It still can be that when I need it to be. And that’s what your blog is for you, too – when you need it to be. No explanations are necessary. We understand.
james r.s last blog post..The Landlord.
Your blog is yours to do with what you will. I hope you don’t ever feel you have to justify it. My heart goes out to you. Just keep loving yourself, and don’t ever stop creating. hugs.
Ooooh Kim, I can feel you’re hurting.
And I wish I could hug you and hold you …
Thank God for blogs.
I would never have known somebody down there in Tasmania is in so much pain. My thoughts are with you.
I’ve got a pair of inflatable arm bands – they’re yours, just say the word.
Barbaras last blog post..Macro
This is the good and bad of ‘blogging’. The good – that you are able to voice and share your pain. That we, as your readers, are able to express our care and concern, our love for you, our sympathy and empathy for your pain. The bad – that there is no human contact – there is no face to face – no looking me dead in the eye when I tell you I would take your pain away if I could – no way to hold your hand as I listen to your voice – no way to enfold you in my arms and truly hug you. I can only say, in print, that I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. She must have been an extraordinary woman – I look at the two women that I know whom she has influenced so greatly, and I know she could have been no less. And I would hold you and give you a place to cry if I could.
lceels last blog post..A Little Taste
I don’t think I could say anything more than lceel did. And believe me when I tell you that knowing him, he means every word of it. As do I.
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(((Hugs))) Please know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Grieving a loss of someone you love is never easy. I wish I wasn’t halfway around the world to be able to say this in person and to give you a real hug.
Joyce-Annes last blog post..Vacation is all I ever wanted
Take comfort in knowing that your mum lives on, in you, in Veronica, in Amy. And know that all of us out here love you.
My dad wanted to give me a block of land years ago,when my kids were little, but there was a condition attached. I had to build a house on it and live there. Fair enough you might think, but it was in Port Pirie. Mid-north South Australia. I’d left there at 16 and was NEVER going back.
it’s a great extension of our world is blogging.
gentle hugs Kim.
Mistress Bs last blog post..Simple Pleasures Sunday
Your blog is you, an outlet for your extra bits to overflow into.
Jaynes last blog post..3 samples of why Oz will never have a Black History Month like USA
big big hugs
thinking of you lots..
am here if ya need an ear..
And you say it all so well – as does Veronica. Your Mum was a remarkable woman and has left a wonderful legacy in you and your children and your grandchildren.
Hugs
Hugs… Thinking of you…
kompostelas last blog post..I want it. I don’t want it.
What beautiful relationships you’ve had with two mothers. Sounds as though they were something very special and rare. I’m a little envious. And sorry for your loss.
I feel an intruder for coming here, but I just joined Blog Chicks and was looking through the directory to see who’s in it.
Quite touched by that quote, as well, even if it is mangled.
Marilyn Rodriguess last blog post..Doing what I love vs loving what I do
I am a terrible blogger but both yours and Veronica’s blogs are special. My heart is going out to you both, I lost my beloved grandmother ten years ago and it feels like yesterday but time has helped. My heart goes out to you. hugs…
Blogs are amazing things and I think they are a part of us.
Hugs. Hope it helps to get it all out here.
Thinking of you often.
tiffs last blog post..The view from here…
My sincere condolences on the passing of your mom.
Writing does heal.
So many thanks to you for your kind words on my blog, during this difficult time for you.
As you said, “I am here. I have no words. But I am here.”
Suzy
Suzy Pafkas last blog post..Channeling
Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂
Excellent site, keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,
A definite great read…
– Bill Bartmann
wonderful post, thank you.