Last week Brenda asked on her blog, Mummytime, “where do you hope your blog will take you?”
This morning I followed a twitter link to a blog post that asked why do most artists blogs fail?
I commented with Interesting point but it all depends on how you measure success. I am an artist and I have a successful blog as well.
So this morning the ideas have meshed and I need to ask the question,
“How do you measure success?”
I failed to keep my mother alive. The cancer that consumed her was too strong and the strength of my love was not enough to save her.
My love was strong enough to let her go peacefully though and Veronica writes about it beautifully here.
I failed to protect my daughter from my brother and in his pain he lashed out bitterly at my girl and wounded her deeply.
I am an only child.
I am an orphan.
I am motherless.
I am successful.
We have survived the first year and my son is alive.
I kept my son alive in those dark months following the death of his Grandmother. It was touch and go there for a while and I watched him like a hawk.
I didn’t restrain him when he punched the walls.
I screamed back at him when he screamed his anguish at me. I held him as he cried like a baby and my tears mingled with his, I fed him pizza and let him sleep and protected him as best I could.
How do you tell a 15 year old that grief will pass when you are so immersed in the same grief and the tunnel is too long for even the tiniest glimmer of light?
I managed to get through this last year because of my blog. I could write out my grief here. When there was a deathly silence after the funeral and only my closest friend rang me, I came to my blog for solace. When my head was going to explode with all the words I needed to say I came to my blog.
And you listened. You sent me chocolate and clippies, classical music and cards. You commissioned my art work and made me think of renewal. You posted photos on your blogs for me and You held me close and let me cry. You filled my inbox with emails and when there werent any words You hugged me and now we are here together.
My blog is successful and that is down to You.