And then my daughter Veronica will patiently correct me again. I will feel slightly guilty that by not immediately understanding all the minutae of Amy’s Aspergers and Isaac’s developing issues I will have put more pressure on my girl.
But that is life and at the end of the day no matter how frustrating my responses to Veronica’s statements are. I am her mother and she loves me. I will just pretend that I don’t hear the exasperated sigh in her voice as I try and find strategies to help me cope.Whilst I can empathise, I can’t really relate to the difficulties that Veronica is facing parenting Amy, as Veronica was an exceedingly easy child to parent herself and time softens the memories of the hard bits.
I am on a bit of a journey at the moment to readjust my thinking in order to help my grandchildren live in this society of ours with the minimum amount of stress. By stress I mean stress to the children not anyone else.
I was reading this post, “Portraits of Autism#10” and it helped to adjust my thinking slightly again. And that is what is important here, that I adjust my thinking and expectations.
As a society we expect our children to be perfectly behaved little robots that should be seen and not heard. Children shouldnt disrupt our lives too much, as they grow into perfect young adults who move out and have successful lives of their own. Leaving us to pick up the threads of our own perfect lives with plenty of time to do all the stuff we put on hold when they were small and needy and unrobotic.
Life isn’t like the magazines would have us believe though. Life is messy and ugly, chaotic and beautiful and perfect is incredibly boring. Blogs like Casdok’s, Mother of Shrek help me to re-adjust my thinking. New friends like Marita help me with strategies and Veronica patiently tells me the same stuff over and over until I have grasped some of the complex realities of her life.
I have no idea how I am going to help my grandchildren cope in this difficult world they inhabit. Like most things I do in this life of mine, I am just making it up as I go along.