This is probably going to be full of errors.

by frogpondsrock on October 9, 2010

in Amy,Aspergers,blogging,Isaac,Veronica

And then my daughter Veronica will patiently correct me again. I will feel slightly guilty that by not immediately understanding all the minutae of Amy’s Aspergers and Isaac’s developing issues I will have put more pressure on my girl.

But that is life and at the end of the day no matter how frustrating my responses to Veronica’s statements are. I am her mother and she loves me.  I will just pretend that I don’t hear the exasperated sigh in her voice as I try and find strategies to help me cope.Whilst I can empathise, I can’t really relate to the difficulties that Veronica is facing parenting Amy, as Veronica was an exceedingly easy child to parent herself and time softens the memories of the hard bits.

I am on a bit of a journey at the moment to readjust my thinking in order to help my grandchildren live in this society of ours with the minimum amount of stress. By stress I mean stress to the children not anyone else.

I was reading this post, “Portraits of Autism#10″ and it helped to adjust my thinking slightly again. And that is what is important here, that I adjust my thinking and expectations.

As a society we expect our children to be perfectly behaved little robots that should be seen and not heard. Children shouldnt disrupt our lives too much, as they grow into perfect young adults who move out and have successful lives of their own. Leaving us to pick up the threads of our own perfect lives with plenty of time to do all the stuff we put on hold when they were small and needy and unrobotic.

Life isn’t like the magazines would have us believe though. Life is messy and ugly, chaotic and beautiful and perfect is incredibly boring. Blogs like Casdok’s, Mother of Shrek help me to re-adjust my thinking. New friends like Marita help me with strategies and Veronica patiently tells me the same stuff over and over until I have grasped some of the complex realities of her life.

I have no idea how I am going to help my grandchildren cope in this difficult world they inhabit. Like most things I do in this life of mine, I am just making it up as I go along.

{ 11 comments }

Mrs. C October 9, 2010 at 6:49 am

DON’T worry about it! You are a wonderful grandmother. You actually care and are involved, which is all you really need to be. If you make mistakes, then you’re in GREAT company. I’m sure Veronica is making her own, too. So am I. We ALL are! :)

I think as frustrating as you MIGHT be sometimes, at least you are there. My parents still have not even met Woodjie, and he will be four in early Dec. Um… but they can go on cruises and see family in Massachusetts and California. So. No matter what they may say, I know where my children stand.

And it’s ok. At least we know. Veronica is very, very blessed to have you. I’m actually pretty jealous that I don’t have a mom who wants to learn with me. God bless you all and keep blogging! Looking forward to reading all you discover. :)

Marita October 9, 2010 at 6:57 am

This is our experience, it does not have to be your experience :)

There are so many people in my girls lives who try to help them, speech therapist, occupational therapist, teachers, even I their mum spend time being a therapist.

We’ve got two good friends locally and my parents interstate who are just there to love my girls as they are.

Not saying I don’t love my girls as they are, I do, but I also need to teach them to stretch themselves, try different things and as a parent there is necessary rule setting involved.

But my girls just adore Grandma and Grandpa and our friends S&J who will listen to them chatter on at length about their special interest of the moment, who will give the girls a hug but don’t push the girls to hug back.

I love to see how my girls open up and blossom when they are with any one of these 4 people. The lack of pressure and pushing outside their comfort zone means they are happy and relaxed and will chatter at length and give unsolicited hugs and kisses. Often I get to see (from the sidelines) a whole new side to my child.

These people are very important in our lives, I thank god they are there.

Marylin October 9, 2010 at 8:32 am

Just be there, and do what you can. Be a shoulder for V. *hugs* xxx

Wanderlust October 9, 2010 at 10:26 am

You are there, you are present, you care, you’re open to learning and you love your family. That’s all that matters. xoxo

sharon October 9, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Every day remind yourself that you are the best mother and grandmother you can be. You are there and love them all regardless of faults, foibles and fears and no-one can do more than that.

It’s going to be a hard road for a while but I am confident you (plural) will come out of it all the better for the experience. Also that Amy and Isaac will become happy, independent and productive adults with a great gift for living life their own way, on their own terms – just as the rest of the family do.

xox

BendyGirl October 9, 2010 at 7:08 pm

That desire you have to understand and support is the most important bit, everything else’ll just fall into it’s own place and time. BG Xx

river October 9, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Veronica and her little family are very lucky to have such a caring and interested grandma.
I can tell you love them all deeply, and really, what more is necessary?

kompostela October 10, 2010 at 1:40 am

Sometimes the fact that you are loved and understood in any situation helps better than any methods specially developed by experts. You are the better expert in your grandchildren that someone else who have written thousands of books on the topic. Just listen to your heart because it’s very wise.

Jessica October 10, 2010 at 4:55 am

I don’t have grand kids yet, but I understand where your coming from. I’ve thought about that a lot too. I feel parents need to reintroduce their kids to the outdoors, rather than the next video game. People loose something when they only interact with computers, rather than flesh and blood beings.

Achelois October 10, 2010 at 8:40 am

Telling the truth here , I have had a troubled journey with my parents always even before marriage & children.

When my children were small they lived for long periods of time abroad and that hurt me on my children’s behalf so much. Now I understand more, that my mother in particular found her career important. My children love their grandparents obviously but they are not as close as I was to mine. Never in my whole life will I ever forget her love.

The thing you offer to Vernonica, Amy and Isaac is yourself. Don’t worry about ‘how’ you do it. I think you’ll find you do it just fine.

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo October 10, 2010 at 8:51 am

You are arming yourself with information.

You are trying to understand.

10 years since Boo’s diagnosis and my mother STILL doesn’t get it.

You are wonderful. MWAH

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