general silliness

From the Vault, Let’s talk about sex.

by frogpondsrock on August 24, 2011

in Fun,general silliness

I have been getting increasingly annoyed with the level of spam that I have been bombarded with lately. So I thought I would republish a post I originally published in 2008.

Let’s talk about sex.

My spam emails have been giving me a bit of a giggle lately. I have been intrigued by catchy little lines like this gem:-

MALE FEATURE WORTHY OF CASANOVA!

Of course I then opened the email to read this. “Don’t you want to spend your life suffering from your moderate love luger?”

Well no actually, I don’t and more to the point, how exactly does one suffer from a moderate love luger hmmm?

Then there was this, “Love tool deserving of a titan” with the following promise.

“You’ll cause her eyebrows to raise, when you pull out your newly upgraded love gun!”

I think I would do more than raise my eyebrows if  The Spouse’s penis had suddenly turned into a gun.

Another reference to a ‘love luger’ promised, “As it grows longer, she will beg of you to penetrate her flower!”

Ok, so if I am not mistaken, penises  are guns, whilst vaginas are pretty flowers.

So now I can just casually mention to The Spouse that my flower needs shooting, and I don’t even need to say the word sex anymore. I could even yell it out loudly in public, “Jeffreeey shoot my flower” and casual passers by would just think  that I was having issues with the roses.

I just raced out to the shed, camera in hand and demanded that Jeffrey shoot my flower.

Here is his reaction.

Yes, he is looking at me like I am a total nutter.

Rightio now back to the emails.

Then we have the miracle cures.    Add 2 inches to your dick size easily with just 2 pills of our formula per day.

At least this one called a penis a dick, I was getting a bit tired of lugers.

There were promises of permanent huge enlargements of your erect penis. Wouldn’t you get a bit tired with a permanently erect penis even if it was huge?  Well it would be fun initially but I am sure that it would be a bit of a nuisance after a while and if the penis is as large as these miracle pills promise, well then there is a very real danger of slamming your penis in the car door or schwacking it accidentally or even *gasp* receiving a black eye from your own penis.

Phew I am glad I only have a flower.

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Bag lady chic.

by frogpondsrock on March 12, 2011

in blogging,friendship,general silliness

 

The Australian blogging conference is next week.

Twitter is all a flutter with talk of pre and post conference meet ups, tweet ups, dinner dates and the like.

Blog posts about what to wear and what not to wear, why we should wear this and why we shouldnt worry about wearing that, are popping up all over the place like pimples on a teenager.

Each time I see a tweet about makeup or fashion I get a little twitchy.

And I wonder about our obsession with our appearance.

And I then think critically about my own appearance.

And my own sense of style

Which I call bag lady chic.

And then I get the giggles and go and play in the mud.

So for anyone that is worried about what to wear, come and see me at the conference and I will make you feel like you are the queen of chic and the epitome of style. My ample proportions will also make you feel lovely and slim.

For the style challenged amongst us, here are some shoes I wore in the snow a couple of winters ago.

 

If you are shy come and find me because I am not shy at all.

And I would love to meet you.

Especially if you read my blog.

I will have bright purple hair

And I will be wearing stripey socks like these but my shoes will probably be black, or they could be purple flowery crocs. We shall have to wait and see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A fake blog about me must mean that I am more awesome than I thought…

by frogpondsrock on January 13, 2011

in adulation,Fun,general silliness

Much much much more awesome.

It is official.

I am a superstar.

My plans to take over the world via the internet are on track.

I have officially hit the big time.

My star is rising and I will definitely need minions sooner rather than later.

How do I know? I hear you ask.

Someone has taken the time and trouble to set up a fake blog about me.

A completely fake blog, using my name, my blog’s name, my image and a post written by a friend of mine Xbox 4 Nappyrash.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It is hilarious.

I needed cheering up and this fake blog about me is just the trick.

Oh and for the authors of the fake blog, this image by @mackiemarsellos epitomises what it means to be Australian

*updated 15 Jan. Now there are two fake blogs. That must mean I am twice as awesome as I first thought I was. Well done you two.

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One of the perks of being a grandmother…

by frogpondsrock on November 19, 2010

in Fun,general silliness,Joy

Is that I can buy pretty,spinny, twirly things that make me smile.

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Sometimes things just snowball and take on a life all of their own…

by frogpondsrock on July 3, 2010

in Arty stuff..,Distractions galore!,Fun,general silliness,potential insanity

Welcome to my life. Nothing is ever simple. And I wouldn’t have it any other way really.

I am doing a class called creative concept development. The aim of this eleven week class is to allow us the freedom to develop an idea that is separate from our current work. An idea that will inform our future work practice beyond what we are doing now.

I have decided to make a  short film.

Initially I wanted to make a fishing film where “The Spouse” or David caught a trout. I wanted to have this film showcase the gorgeous natural beauty of Tasmania, the excitement and thrill of catching a fish and the release of the lucky fish back into the lake.

I wanted to send this film to my friends in Massachusetts as well as share it here, with you on my blog.

But…

I just couldn’t get rid of the idea that it was a little bit boring, that it was just a bit too safe. I justified it to myself by saying that it would teach me the skills that I needed to make the dragon egg film in february, learn to walk Kimmy and all that.

Whilst inside my head mutant zombie fish were lurking. Killer fish banging on my mind saying, “Let us out! Let us out!”

So on the drive home I let the killer zombie, mutant fish out to play.

“The Spouse” thinks I am mad but that is nothing new and after his sixth beer last night he agreed to star in my film and be killed by a mutant fish. YAY.

So the idea is this, a man is fishing in a beautiful seaside location when he catches a large fish, he lands the fish and as he bends down to pick the fish up it suddenly transforms into a mutant killer and goes for his throat. He tries to fight the fish off but to no avail and and he dies a gory death.

Problems kept on popping up but they were easily solved. I thought of making the killer fish out of papier-mache but Veronica thought the water might wreck the fish. I also needed an oil rig, a couple of explosions, some oily water, a soundtrack and I probably will need a bex and a good lie down.

Last night I bought four blow up dolphins, a giant sea horse and an octopus from ebay, I can make the oil rig out of lego, I am sure I can find an explosion online, though I wish I had some crackers. David has said he will compose the music for the film. If I need some scorched earth a neighbour down the road has been burning off and I will ask them if I can film their front yard.

This is going to be so much fun. What do you think? Do you want to watch my film as well? Do you have any suggestions?

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