The missing doesnt stop.

by frogpondsrock on April 7, 2011

in Autism,Family,Grief,Mona

Some days I miss my mother so much that even writing down the words make my eyes prickle and fill with tears.

There is a heap of stuff I am trying to deal with. On their own, these things don’t have much weight but tie them all together and it feels like I am swimming through mud.

My grand son was officially diagnosed with Autism yesterday. Systems will be put into place for Isaac, autistic specific playgroups will be found and the experts will step in and try to help as best they can.

This is good. This also breaks my heart.

I am trying to write an email to a physiotherapist to tell him that “The Spouse doesn’t want to continue with his appointment because it is obvious the Physio knows nothing about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and in The Spouse’s words is “completely fucking useless”  How do I say that? How do I say “Listen son, you need to bloody well do a bit of research on EDS before we go any further”.

I worry that he will break my husband or my daughter with inappropriate exercises designed for non-bendy people and I also wonder if I can be bothered dealing with his air of professional superiority because he is a trained medical professional you know. ( insert sarcasm font)

I worry that my grand daughter who has an unofficial diagnosis of Aspergers as well as EDS will fall through the cracks. I worry that the paediatrician in charge of her care is another one who knows absolutely nothing about EDS and is more than happy to think about his golf handicap instead of my grand daughters care.

My son is living in town with his friend and I worry that he will decide to sleep all day, rather than go to his classes. My mantra when the children were growing up was, “your choices, your consequences”.

It is hard not to want to live their lives for them.

I want to shake my son and say look, look at all the mistakes I made, don’t do it, don’t make my mistakes. All I can do now is watch and hope and wish that mum was here to gently laugh at me.

I am watching a very clever liar, weave a complicated web of deceit and I am in two minds whether to call them out and wear the fall out or just wait and see what happens.

I went to Mona yesterday and once again I was drawn to this fabulous sculpture PXIII by Belgian artist Berlinde de Bruyckere

This sculpture makes my soul sing. The artist says this work is about loneliness and I can relate to that.

I think that I am becoming invisible, the older that I get.

I interacted with Australian artist Greg Taylor’s art work titled  My Beautiful Chair, featuring a couch, a lamp, a rug and Philip Nitschke’s suicide machine. As I watched the prompts on the computer I thought about my Mum and how peaceful her death was. I remembered what it felt like to stroke my mother’s dead hands and the beautiful ivory colour of her skin.














It was a very introspective three minutes.




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Continuing on with the theme of thievery

by frogpondsrock on February 12, 2011

in arseholiness,headfuck,Mona

I was talking with The Mona Museum on twitter last, or to be precise The Mona Museum was tweeting and a handful of us were asking questions and receiving responses.

Mona, my beautiful Mona that I am so enamoured with is losing 20 O devices a Day.

An O device is the iPod touch you receive on entry to the museum. There is site specific software on the device which tracks your visit and enables you to tap the screen and get varied snippets of information about the art work you are viewing. They are very clever, fun and interesting.

And also fucking useless away from Mona.

Anyone have any ideas for stopping the O from being stolen?
Monkey says it’s hard to keep it all free, when people want to steal the beanbags and iPods. Seems to be the way it is.
frogpondsrock Kim

@monamuseum surely they would be seen wandering off with a bright pink bean bag?
They try, park the car near fence and throw it over to a waiting mate.
They are pretty cheap compared to iPods. Unfortunately it’s a 18+ policy from tomorrow for the O.

So not only are a some people pocketing the O, they are pinching the beanbags as well. I find that absolutely amazing that some people are such shitheads, they would go to a public space and just steal things that appeal to them. But then again after the week I have just had I am not surprised at all.

Unfortunately because of the total arshattery of a small number of people everyone is going to be punished.

Especially the under eighteens that go to the museum without an adult to vouch for them. I was talking to a 17 year old friend on facebook and she had just returned from her first trip to Mona. Her reaction to Mona was wonderful and I was absolutely thrilled to bits that another Tasmanian teenager had fallen under Mona’s spell. Now because of those low life thieves this young lady wont be able to use the O device unless she is accompanied by an Adult.

From next week there will also be a sign in process for the O devices which will be a necessary inconvenience.

And we’ll tighten up next week with ID and license etc… Annoying cause lines will be longer.

I am not surprised by the theft of the O devices as the world is full of shitheads and shit happens. I am incredibly saddened though that the young people I know, are being punished the hardest for the actions of  these mongrel thieves.

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There is too much silence

by frogpondsrock on February 1, 2011

in David,headfuck,Mona,Sadness

I wonder if one of the reasons for the reluctance to talk to our young people about suicide is the mistaken belief that we might give them ideas. As if by starting a conversation about suicide we might inadvertently plant the seed of death in their heads.

On Monday evening I went to bed early as it had been a long week and I was knackered but there is never any true rest in my house whilst my teenager is awake as he bangs doors, clatters dishes and clomps about the house late at night in an eternal quest for food and facebook.

There wasn’t to be any rest for me that evening either as one of David’s friends had put a suicidal status update on his facebook page. I lay awake in bed listening to my son trying to contact his friend, X on the telephone, hearing my sons voice rising in fear as he demanded that X pick up the god damn phone.

After about 15 minutes of distraught phone calls and frantic inboxing with no response from X, I ended up in the car in my nightie driving David down the road to X’s house.

I was so tired I was a bit trippy and the memory of my son frantically ringing and ringing X’s mobile has become less real now. Eventually when we were about half way there X’s brother answered the phone telling Dave he had come home from work and found the boy passed out in his bed covered in blood from multiple slashes to his arm and wrist.


Luckily the cuts were only superficial and didn’t require stitches.

David stayed with X that night and the next and on Australia day I picked them up and drove them down to the Mona museum.

I don’t know what I was hoping to achieve by taking the boys to Mona. I know that I was hoping that the museum would work her magic on X. That he would see that there is a whole other world of beauty and art and expression out there.

That there is never only one path.

That it is okay to be different.

That we are all different.

Maybe I was also a little bit starstruck by the sheer amazingness of the Mona museum and I know I wanted the boys to share my joy because in hindsight Mona really isn’t the place to take a confused and sensitive 16 year old. X was totally freaked out by the place. The darkness of the rooms made him jumpy and video art works that my eyes had only skipped over because they weren’t my cup of tea drew the boys in and they were repulsed by them. X was horrified by the wall of  porcelain vaginas and declared Mona to be totally creepy.The boys didn’t even glance at Snake as I took them to see the fat car hoping that the sensual curves of the car and the brightness of the red bodywork would at least  be a positive experience for them and it was.

As we drove away from the museum towards the city park where they like to hang out with their friends, we had a brief discussion about what is art and what isn’t. I had forgotten the black and white certainty of being sixteen, of a sixteen year old perspective that art has to be beautiful in order to be called art and I worried if I had done more harm than good.

On the Thursday morning I took X into a youth counselling place, I had previously spoken to them about X and they had prepared a packet of pamphletts and such for him. I waited in the car whilst Dave and X walked into the building and I knew that I had done all I could for this boy.

It is never easy when it is someone elses child.

Years ago an old woman held my toddlers hands in hers and told me, this boy is going to be a healer. Over a decade and a half  later I watch as my child gathers the broken to him, as the broken are drawn to him and I worry.

It is never easy when it is your own child either.

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Sunday Selections #4

by frogpondsrock on January 30, 2011

in Love and Loss,Mona,photography,sunday selections

This week I have had itchy writing fingers coupled with limited time at my desk, so scattered sentences have been tumbling around in my dreams, of course when I wake up all the words have gone into hiding and I haven’t had the time to hunt them down.

It has been a tumultuous week that started with driving my daughter Veronica to an early morning a radio interview and at ten pm that same night driving my son David to his friend who had left a suicide note as his facebook status and wouldn’t answer his phone. (He is alive)

Today isn’t the day to be writing about youth suicide, Invasion day and racism, the Mona museum, grief and autism and Hobart’s amazing clown doctors but the words are all there and they will make me write them out sooner rather than later.

As always I am constantly looking at the world around me in terms of light and shade and often the lines and shadows are more interesting to me than the actual objects themselves.

I took these photos inside the newly opened Mona Museum.

I take a lot of photos and most of them are just sitting around in folders on my desktop not doing anything. I thought that a dedicated post once a week would be a good way to share some of these photos that  otherwise wouldn’t be seen by anyone other than me.

I am also remarkably absent minded and I put photos into folders and think  that I will publish them later on and then then I never do.

So I thought I would start a photo meme that anyone can join in and play as well. The rules are so simple as to be virtually non existent.

Just add your name and URL to the Mr Linky. Publish your photos on your blog using the “Sunday Selection” title and link back here to me.

Easy Peasy.

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