I like the number 42. It is a multiple of 7 and I like the number 7 as well. I dont like 8 and the number 5 always reminds me of Winston Churchill. Don’t ask, I have no idea.
I am 42. The answer to the meaning of life is 42 and it has been 42 days since my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer.
Lung Cancer…. Just saying it makes me shiver. Lung cancer is a ‘sucked in we told you so, it’s your own fault kind of cancer’. A ‘you brought it on yourself’ kind of cancer. Smokers cancer.
My Mum has never smoked.
When I was a smoker It was the thought of mouth cancer that finally made me give up the fags. Not lung cancer, Hell I smoked 30 a day and didn’t even wheeze, though apparently I did smell (thanks Veronica)
I was talking to Veronica on the phone yesterday and she said that I am hard to talk to at the moment. I am sorry Sweetheart, the grown up logical side of my brain wants to hear all the stuff you have found out but the other 78% of me just wants to crawl into my mothers lap and have mum tell me that everything is going to be ok and that I am just having a bad dream. Dammit..
I want to paint. I want to do a really large blue and white painting. I want to go into my as yet unbuilt studio and throw all day, emerging at night covered in clay and tired enough to sleep. I want my life to be like a photograph of the sky. I just for once want things to be easy Dammit.
I am surrounded by half done things at the moment, half formed thoughts and half finished projects. As well as quite a few half written posts. Hi Mrs C, Hi Xbox, Hi River..
I have run out of time and I could save this post and finish it off later then it would also become another half finished thing cluttering up my head or I could just hit publish..
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I am feeling much better this evening.. I was feeling a bit “sooky” this morning and that bout of sookiness resulted in the post 42.. I had to go to the shops on the way into Tafe this morning and there were some gorgeous pale pink tulips on special. So I bought them and called in to Mum’s work and gave them to her. Yay..
Comment thingy appears to be fixed. Thanks to Veronica? times are tough right now, I can tell, but your Mum is a bright cheerful soul who will help you through this. Even though this is happening to her, she will help you through. that’s the way she is, I can tell. It will be hard but you have time and can spend many moments together. Much better than a sudden death where you don’t get to say goodbye. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but time to talk, to visit, to just be together, is a great gift. Who knows? Maybe a cure will be found.
Do you have a 5 generations of family women photograph for your album? It will be a lovely thing to look back on….
Sookiness is allowed. When I was visiting my dad in the hospital during his last week I thought I was holding up pretty well. Then I went to his flat and started washing all his clothes. Broke down and cried so hard into his T-shirts I almost didn’t need the washing machine.
Now you’ve made me ‘sooky’.
Like I needed any fucking help with that…
All in time Kim.
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Thank you River.. No you didn’t sound insensitive at all..Every day that anyone has is a gift.
We have quite a few photos of the five generations of ‘us females’ and lots of photos of Amy with both her Great Grandmother and Great-Great grandmother…
*passes xbox a hanky*
Well honey here I was quietly working at my desk when I was confronted by a bright cheery smile from my daughter bearing a lovely bunch of pale pink Tulips. how lovely!!! and wasn’t I the envy of my workmates. Thank you very much, I love you but of course you already know that.:)
thinking of you kimme..
big hugs..
hear if ya need an ear.. 🙂
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Sending hugs your way…..
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Getting it down on paper is good for the soul.
I am sending hugs along with Happy Campers. Since she is my real life neighbor we should get a bulk rate on the postage.
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Thinking of you, Kim, and your Mum, and your daughter, all of whom have to deal with this ‘thing’, this cancer.
My sincere hope, for all of you in this, is that you find Peace.
Love, Lou
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I still have my guides working in the dreamtime for you all, and send you my very best during the waking hours as well.
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Ok, that whole “it’s your fault you’re suffering” thing really gets me, too. HOW MANY TIMES has God given us grace when we’ve done something stupid and gotten away with it? But we’ve gotta go… oh, AIDS, he musta been gay? Or, oh, lung cancer, your fault because you smoked??
I know that gravity and other stuff can be “consequences” for defying God’s law, but good gracious we can be heavy-handed with the judgment can’t we??
NOT that it matters, but I thought Nan was a non-smoker? It doesn’t matter, though. I have two very smoking parents I don’t want getting sick, either. And sometimes HIV and stuff happens to little kids and there’s just no way to explain it all.
Doggone it. I’m just sorry you guys have to go through this. I keep saying that. I keep meaning it, too. :[
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I am hugging you tightly.
It’s just not fair (in the words of my 4 year old). I am sorry you have to do this. So sorry.
I’m glad you can bury yourself in your art. You make me want to get out my paints… and I haven’t broken out my paints since before my children were born.
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Oh, and I can’t believe I forgot to tell you that my number is 5. Always has been. Everything is 5 in my life. LOVE 5. Now, however, I’ll think of Winston Churchill.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..A Boy and His Trains
I’m glad you hit publish.
Hugs.
Always thinking of you and your Mum and your girl.
babe.
I know.
Hugs my lovely.
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I’m sorry to hear about your mum Kim, I can understand wanting to crawl into your mum’s lap and hearing that everything will be alright. I wish I had some comforting words for you and Veronica, I’m not too good at that sort of thing, instead know that you are both in my thoughts and your mum and the rest of your family as well. 🙂
On another note, I hope B is enjoying/enjoyed her time in Japan! I had a stopover on either side of my trip and everyone I met there was lovely.
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