This time last week I was waiting for the teenagers to arrive and fill my house with noise and music, laughter and muddy footprints.
I survived the sleep-over, though none of the teens actually slept. They stayed up all night watching DVDs and shooting aliens.
I fed the teenagers into submission. They groaned and rolled their eyeballs, they pleaded with me to stop but I didn’t listen. I just kept on taking food into the ‘party zone’. My weapons of mass distension were simple but effective. Pizza and hot chips, combined with timtams, twisties and lollies. Washed down with a gazillion cans of coke and lemonade. I had icecream and marshmallows in reserve if I needed reinforcements but it seems that the final packet of tim tams was enough. Throw an XBox and an eightball table into the mix and a good time was had by all.
Last week I was running on nervous energy. There were a zillion things to be done and very little time to do them in. My phone ran hot, my inbox was full and I was in a state of perpetual motion.
Yesterday was the first time that I didn’t have to drive anywhere or do anything.
So I stayed home and cried.
I cried for my brother who has taken all Mum’s photos. I hope they ease his pain.
I cried for my children who have lost their Grandmother.
I cried for Amy who knows something is wrong but she doesn’t know what.
I cried for myself.
I am going to build a garden for Mum. Thinking about Mum’s garden makes me smile. Mum wanted her ashes buried up here and we talked about her garden a lot.Planning Mum’s garden together gave us something practical to think about so that both of us didn’t drown in our sorrow.
I will listen for your voice on the breeze. I will look for your face in the stars. I will see you dancing with the clouds and I will hold you in my heart.
I love you Mum.
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(((hugs)))
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And those quiet – or noisy – tears were sorely needed Kim. I found mine to be quite cathartic when my Dad died and then again when my sister died too. Making a garden for Mum is a wonderful idea. Will you take cuttings of her favourite plants from her own garden and then add things that remind you all of her joys, her wit, her wisdom and all encompassing love? It will bring you a lot of peace I think.
@ Sharon, Mum wanted something to be flowering in every season. I will post photos of the site as soon as it stops raining and I will write a detailed post about Mum and my plans. I will get a lot of plants from Mum’s garden as well as from Nan’s garden. Mum’s friend Jane has already rung me offering a plant.The plants will have to be drought tolerant, frost hardy and hopefully not too tempting to the wallabies and possums.
It’s going to be the most beautiful garden in Tasmania.
Making a garden for your Mum is a fabulous idea. I’m glad you were able to do some of the planning together.
I can’t believe you threw XBox at a load of teenagers – did the poor man survive?
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Oh Kim.
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Hugs and superhugs – it’s often the moment we stop that it all hits us – be kind to yourself!
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I planted bulbs the day my aunt died, and when they bloomed, called them the Ella bulbs. We also had a dog named Ella who was buried under a plant. We called it the Eller plant. A garden for your Mum is a lovely idea. I hope it brings you much pleasure amongst the tears.
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Show Amy which star is mynanny
God bless ya, Kim!
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Creating something that lives and flowers and blooms would be such a lovely tribute for your Mom. A place for her to come home to.
Don’t hold back the tears, I’ll hold you, just sob on my shoulder.
HUGS xxx
And when Jientje’s shoulders get too wet, you can use mine.
I’d like to have a little chat with your brother.
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hugs
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Beautifully written, Kim.
I hope when your brother finds peace with your Mum’s photos, he returns some of them to you.
I love the garden idea. Wonderful plan. I can’t wait for you to share the plans and photos.
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At least ask your brother if he’d get copies made of the photos, then you could both have them.
If you are honestly crying for your brother’s pain, would you be bitching about him so publicly? I doubt your Mum would be smiling down on this.
And to all you others encouraging this with your comments – don’t you realise that Kim’s brother has also lost his Mum and he’s a real person who’s also in pain. Pain that is being unnecessarily added to by having to read all of your thoughtless and ugly comments? Give one moment of thought to him before you go casting judgement and empty threats based on a one sided opinion.
thinking of you Kimme..
big hugs
This was such a heartfelt blog and like other bloggers I hope that your whole family heals
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