When my children were small I dreaded going to the local primary school. I used to have to take deep breaths as I walked through the school gates, past the icy stares of the reebok squad and the condescending nods of the glitterati girls. It really felt like I was walking through a gauntlet of disdain and disapproval because I was the one who lived an alternate lifestyle.
When David saw me at school he would launch himself at me and I used to have to brace myself so that the force of his hug didn’t knock me over. Then together, we would walk out the school gates holding hands, swinging our arms and smiling to each other. Away from the horror that was a small town primary school full of prejudices.
We were that family. When everyone around us was building McMansions and driving the latest cars. We were building our house room by room from recycled materials. The fact that we had an outside toilet was a major talking point and my children were teased mercilessly by the children of relatives as well as the children of the school establishment. People that had never been to my home would tell stories in lurid detail of the wild drug orgies we participated in and the squalor in which we lived. The fact that we had few visitors and that alcohol was the only drug I used was quite beside the point.
At a time in Australia when people were encouraged to buy buy buy and credit was king. We stayed debt free and went without. The spouse was labelled a dole bludger because he was unable to work due to the pain of his Ehlers Danlos. We didn’t know it was EDS then we just thought he was broken and that his constant pain was due to a very serious motorcycle accident he had been involved in, in 1992 and then compounded by the injuries received when he was shot in a hunting accident in 1993. The label of dole bludger is a horrible one to carry though and living below the poverty line makes you appreciate the things you have.
If people were happy to make snap judgements based on the way I looked I was also more than happy to encourage their misunderstandings by dressing differently and not explaining myself or my motives.
Now that I am a bit more grown up I am ready to start to explain myself a bit. I look at the glitterati girls and they are still desperately holding onto their fragile crowns, their makeup is getting thicker as they try to hold back the years and I find it hard to imagine that these women’s gossip and innuendo once made my life difficult.
I am ready to step out into the light of my small community and announce that here I am, I am an artist.
Members of the Greater Green Ponds branch of Tasmanian Regional Arts are building up a collection of art and craft created in the Southern Midlands area. Their plan is to acquire works and lease them for display in public and private spaces through out the Southern Midlands.
I am going to ring them up today and offer to donate Boganvillainy to their collection.
I am a bit nervous, but it certainly isn’t as daunting as walking through those school gates were a few years ago.
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Kim,
You are amazing.
Great post which I’m sure will resonate with many of us. My version of this story was living in a conservative wealthy leafy suburb in Melbourne, where the ‘ladies who lunch’ would look askance as I rumbled up in our 1971 Holden HQ Premier, or as we walked to school and they averted their gazes as they rolled past in their brand spankin’ Range Rovers and BMW 4WDs. It was when my eldest started Prep there that I knew we had to get out – I couldn’t bear the idea that our minimal consumption lifestyle was being coded as ‘poor’ and ‘odd’ when I wanted our children to believe in low impact living as normative, not an exception.
So we escaped to the northern suburbs, where all the neighbours walk or ride to school, most drive older or at least nondescript cars, and many are artists, musicians, academics and jack & jills of all trades. Good on you for hanging in there amongst the glitterati, where they won’t be able to help but note that a pretty face fades, but an interesting person just gets more so with age. 🙂
@ Tammi heh I drove the “sexy red” Falcon which was a 1977 XC Falcon, I miss that car.
Next year my grand daughter will be going to the same primary school and I am really looking forward to going into the school for parent help. I can rock the “eccentric nanny” role now.
Kim, I’m so proud to call you my friend. I love that you are who you are, without apology but also without anger or defensiveness. You are truly an amazing person.
I grew up in a very wealthy suburb in a progressive family that was well off but not wealthy. We were odd, the token hippie liberals in a town full of Republicans. The feeling of being an outsider has never left me.
Like Kristin, I am proud to be your bloggy friend. Because, you are The Rock Star! xoxoxo
PS. I have always felt like an outsider too. Funny that, huh?
Fab post… this spoke to me in so many ways. We don’t seem so alternative on the outside but I used to feel that last years kinder Mums could tell I made different (and to them probably radical) parenting choices just by looking at me…
Yay for standing tall and being who you are, no matter what!
Lovely story, smacks of everything I abhor about today’s society (your glitterati)and keeping up with the Joneses.
AV
I grew up in rural NZ, and I can SO relate to your post. Small town bigotry! I remember it well.
I would love to do the “tree change” thing now, but there is a lot to be said for the anonymity of living in a city.
Awesome post. Love it. Love your life!!
Oh, I so remember the terror of walking past the clique of mummsies *eek*.
Yeah, you rock, Kim 😉
Thank you. All your comments have made me smile. I didn’t realise that the fear of the “clique mumsies” was quite so widespread. I am busily sanding a model for a dragon egg now and dreaming away happily.
Well done, Kim. The donation is a great idea.
The assumptions people make about each other based upon appearance have always grated on me. Ultimately, all that matters is the love and support of those nearest to us. And they only get near by bothering to get to know us.
Be proud of you , let the shallow , narrow minded clique’s falling crowns crash to the ground as you stand tall.
PS I am as old as you and I hope I don’t get the eccentric granny crown hehe I want to be a rockin’ mumma.
You’re amazing. What strength you had (and still have) to hang on to your ideas, ideals and morals in the face of such disapproval from a bunch of old bags.
I’m starting the school run in September and it is because of people like you that my lifestyle choices are more mainstream and that my school run won’t be so hard.
I’m not building my house from scratch but I and my children won’t be having all the gadgets that everyone else has (in fact we already don’t). I buy second hand and recycle. I make my own cleaning products (although the toiletries haven’t been such a success, a post for another day!). I’m proud of that but I know that some people look down on me because of it.
Thank you for being you and for helping me to see that it’s ok to be me.
well said Kim…I think age mellows us all. The way we lived out of recycled bits and pieces is now the trendy way of doing things…and who would of thought that people like us are now being accepted into our community with open arms
I thought you were cool 😉
But then, we were judged too.
But look at where those certain people are now! As far as I know they are in the same place they were 15 years ago while the rest of us have moved forward. That makes me happy.
It’s sad that it takes such a long time to feel comfortable about being oneself. Well, for me anyway. I’m happy to be me now.
You are truly an inspiration Kim.. You are you! Without explanation or apologies.. I have only just discovered the “mummy cliques” as my oldest has started 3 year old kinder.. He also has a rare medical condition that does make him stand out in a crowd.. So we’re the ‘freaky’ family!! With that ‘weird’ kid..
In such a diverse culture you’d think people would be more accepting but meh.. Their loss!!
Outsiders unite! And if the TRA has any sense they will be so grateful for your donation!
Hey, some of those those ladies had artistic talents as well with those stories. And spreading them so well and so believeably… that’s true theatre.
Maybe someday they will just accept that you work with clay instead. 🙂
You’re beautiful!!!
Yes! Do it! Boganvillainy here we come!
I got the same cold shoulder from the mums at school here, for
a) almost always walking the kids to school
b) wearing a broad-brimmed hat outside (I’m very fair)
c) saying that I didn’t want to spend every morning going out for coffee
I could list a few other oddities. After a fair bit of time, I have friends who love me & I’ve had the last laugh on most of the rest.
It’s a shame–primary school communities can be either nurturing, loving, & supporting; or the very opposite. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.
Normally I read all comments but for boring reasons I can’t tonight. So my apologies if I have missed something.
I really ‘get’ this post.
I look now around me in times of recession and yes, we chose not to live grand lives but consider ourselves lucky now, we can’t cry because our wealth has gone, for we have had no wealth to lose, so we consider ourselves rich.
You were in some ways ahead of your time, mindful of the planet and brave to follow your dreams although you probably didn’t realise it at the time! To go agaisnt the grain and not get caught up in the crap.f
Hold your head high, you have no need to explain.
Sorry for double post.
Ehlers Danlos is cruel. Even when one has a diagnosis it doesn’t exactly enable ‘outsiders’ to understand. It has got better for me since I found people like you. Thank you.
I have enjoyed reading this well written post and yes I have my own version of similar experiences.
I think though that we are all more alike than different in the sense that each and every one of us… no matter what walk of life… creates concepts about the other – we judge each other – which perpetuates our separateness.
I also often make this mistake and only really see it clearly upon reflection.
best wishes and thanks for sharing
I haven’t visited Tasmania, but I here it is absolutely beautiful.
Robyn 🙂
“I am ready to step out into the light of my small community…”
No, No, No, Kim. Step out and LIGHT UP your small community. Let the glitterati crowd be dazzled by your light.
I was labelled too, in my primary years. I was the one whose mother left home, they all said it was because I was awful and she didn’t love me. I didn’t bother to enlighten any of them.
P.S. Older women, don’t be fooled. Thicker makeup does not make you look younger. it does, however, make you look like a painted up old tart. Ease up on the pancake foundation, go for a more natural look, (less is more). It’s not about looking as young as you can. It’s about looking the best you can for your age.
I agree. YOU are amazing and you’re a beautiful human being. And we love you!
It’s a mighty big world for such small fish to believe they own the pond. If they ever bothered to take the blinders off they would realize they were actually swimming in a beautiful, vast ocean … amongst much bigger fish.
Oddball, outcast; yes. I was raised in a highly religious location where women have no more value than to procreate when told to.
I wore pants, I cut my hair, I tried out for the boys sports teams (and made it).
I’ve never found it within myself to be less than what I am, or ashamed. I’ve gone on to explore that ocean while “they” remain in their mental pond. If anything, I pity them. To feel compelled to live through the acceptance of others who truly have no love for you, must be an empty, plastic existence.
Dance when you need to
Scream when you need to
Laugh at what really tickles you
In the end you have to wonder who will pass from this life with the most regrets.
You are exactly who you needed to be, have gone through all that you have, just so when we all “met” you you were able to be that exact being we were looking for to brighten our lives.
Hold your head high and shine.
Your writing is so refreshing Kim, very honest, real and refreshing. Being treated like an outsider of the group is never easy whether in the schoolyard or the office or wherever. For me, I find that those of us who point fingers at others are usually afraid and find solace in the company of other small, like minds. Good for you for being true to yourself, what a great lesson to your kids. By the way, I chuckled at “dole bludger”, I’ve never heard that term but immediately understood … here in the US we used to say “on the dole”. Enjoyed the post.
Your story explains why you are so amazing that I become addicted to your blog:) Do you have photos of you when you where young and so alternative?:)))
I can in a way understand the feelings, only for me it was slightly different. I was the ‘greenie’ in the family. I was vego as a teen, I wanted to be more environmentally friendly, I want a self sustaining home and low impact lifestyle, much to the horror of my family.
I think you will totally rock the eccentric nana roll. You’re awesome.