When my mother died I lost the ability to see the light, I put the camera away because there was nothing to see, everything was muted and grey. I lost the ability to find joy in the way the light played through the trees, there were no joyful shadows because everything was dark. It didn’t help that it also rained and rained for weeks and the soggier the earth got the soggier my spirits were.
For over two years my soul has been stained by the colours of cancer and grief and I stopped seeing.
It has been a long journey and now slowly the light is seeping in under the cracks.
Making the film for my teacher Glen Dunn has helped me start to see again. In the beginning I whispered to myself that I didn’t have time to do the project justice, but in truth it was because I was afraid that I would make something grey and then I would know that I had truly lost the light. I had to force myself to look at things again, to watch as the greyness began to separate into light and shade.
As an Artist I am often afraid so I come here to my blog for solace and comfort, for applause and affirmation that what I do has meaning.
Thank you my dear earthlings for making me feel that what I do has some worth.
The next four photos are of work by Tasmanian Artist Linden Langdon, photographed by me.
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I don’t think you ever lost it… it just had a veil of sorrow overtop for a time. You will always have that artistic spirit; there is just no repressing that.
Ah, light. I think mine’s an oncoming train. Think I’ll play ostrich for a while.
so glad you have found your light again.
hugs
I don’t think you lost the light, Misplaced some of the meaning to your life yes, but the light no – it was just ”seen through a veil darkly” for a while. But I’m glad you feel some more light is creeping in, the photos are wonderful! Such a great juxtaposition of light and shade, solid and ethereal.
Oh cripes – do I need to send more chocolate? 😉 The light wins out in the end dear friend. The pain and hurt never go away but they do get muffled and muted over time and other times they are as fresh as the moment we lost our dear Moms. I like to think our Moms are upstairs and they are friends – looking down on their silly daughters who have become friends in the most weirdest of ways. I’m glad the light is peaking through your shadows – our Moms dont deserve to be overshadowed by how they died and that bastard of a cancer that took them from us. I need to remind myself of that more often and let myself see more of the light too 🙂 *hugs* Oh, and no matter how much you whine – I ain’t sending you another chocolate package until Christmas – I already have your next package in the works! 😀
I had a similar experience after my father died. (It was sudden, he was only 53.) My medium is words and they weren’t lost to me so much as I threw my metaphorical pen to the ground and stomped on it. It was a bratty child-like snit that I threw, which like most snits hurt only myself. I’m embarrassed to admit that it lasted nearly 8 years. I used my creativity in plenty of other ways but eventually the words would have their way with me. As Arnold Mindell wrote “If you deny a talents existence it will suck the energy it requires.” Suffice to say, it’s good to be back in the bosom of the alphabet. Great post. I wonder how common that response is for artists?
I’m so glad your light is returning to you Kim. I look forward to seeing more of your artwork.
I’m impressed with those silhouettes by Linden Langdon.
Go into the light, as they say, but in a creative way, without fear or reticence.
FYI, I found this post through twitter. Thought you’d want to know that your tweet tweets were working. I know I would.
I am so glad you found the light again…. because you are truly talented and we are all better for having you share your beauty.
Like 🙂
Omgosh. Your post brought me to tears. I could feel your pain when you were describing how you felt when your mom passed away. I guess it’s because I felt the same way when my Dad died of cancer. Oh to find solace and comfort from those we get to know through our blogs – I so get that. Thank you for sharing.
I get a solace from bloggyshere that I never imagined possible.
Your post also touched my heart. The light shining.
Losing a loved one is always a tough experience. The only thing that will help you get over it is time 🙁
Thank you for sharing. Glad to hear the light is coming back into your life!
Thank-you for sharing your art in all its forms, your writing and your feelings here. I’m so glad to have found your blog. What you do DOES certainly have meaning, and I’m so glad you’re out there!
My dear, everything you do has worth. Every thing.
xoxo
thanks kim x
Death and dying have been familiar to me this year as well. At the moment I am at my grandma’s house as cancer starts to win. Hugs to you in finding your outlet and creativity again.
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OO, OO, I love what you have done here with the light! Especially the high windows. I love light. And shadows.
when you said Linden, i didn’t realise you meant the same Linden Langdon who had droped me off at the Oakfords house just moments before. . . my friends mum (really should have worked that one out)
Those photos are really cool!
Glad to have come across your site. The photos of the light are wonderful.
Gorgeous! It’s a beautiful thing to look thru the world in photography. I think it makes us take everything in more, and i’m glad you felt able to embrace it again. xx
You write so beautifully. I’m so glad the light is visible again.