I spent my whole parenting life raising my children to be independent free thinkers. I raised my daughter, Veronica to be a strong feminist, not by quoting her tracts from Greer or De Beauvoir and hiding the razors, but by example. I tried to show my daughter that all you need to succeed in this life is determination and hard work and that no man or woman can tell you what you can or can not do within the bounds of the law.
My daughter has found her own path, she is marching to the beat of her own drum and is now raising her own strong willed daughter, Amy. The more my grand daughter grows into her personality the more I see myself reflected there and I am equally terrified and exhilarated.
As a child I fought the restraints of parental control every step of the way. Every single curb was met with a defiant why? Followed up with a detailed counter argument as to why I should be allowed to do exactly as I pleased. There was much wailing, gnashing of teeth and dramatic flouncing and I now know that I was an extremely difficult child to parent.
Primary school was the single most isolating and lonely place I had ever been forced to endure. High school was just an endless clash of wills, with the Catholics determined to teach me to submit and to accept without question the ridiculous notion of a virgin birth and the subservience of women to God’s law. I didn’t like to break the rules by walking out as overt rule breaking makes me extremely uncomfortable, so I just endlessly argued against everything instead.
I faked illness after illness to avoid going to school so that I could just stay home and read in peace all day. One faked illness went a little bit too far and at age twelve I had a perfectly good appendix removed. Of course I lapped up the attention a stay in hospital brings but unfortunately for me I didn’t have any more disposable organs, so that avenue of school avoidance was closed.
As my grand daughter grows up I hope like hell that I live for at least another twenty years to see her through the challenges she will face. And this is where Mum’s untimely death has left a huge hole in our lives. Mum related wholly to Veronica and was Veronica’s support person where as I relate wholly to Amy and I am of only minimal support to Veronica as I relate far to strongly to my grand daughter. I am forever looking to explain or question why Amy behaves the way she does instead of just giving my daughter my sympathetic ear.
In this life you just have to make the best of what you have and try to understand each others limitations.
I am pleased that the education system isn’t as rigid as it was in the seventies but I still worry that there are far too many children out there that are getting lost in the system. I know as I watch my daughter parent her two quirky children that they wont be swallowed up by the machine but I still fervently hope that I am around to throw a few spanners in the works just in case.
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Would that be a recently fired, ceramic spanner, properly glazed and decorated with polka dots?
Why yes, of course it would be Lou :)x
What a gorgeous photo!!!! You’d better make sure you look after yourself so you can be around FOREVER!!
Amy is a lucky girl to have someone so fiercely protective of her right to be “Amy” and the fact that it is a wonderful, loving grandmother is even more special.
PS – I can’t imagine where you got the idea that you were a difficult child to parent!!!!!! xx
Jeez! Just when I think it is safe, a friend who actually went to school with me comments on the blog 🙂 hehe remember when we submitted identical essays knowing that you would get a better mark because YOU were the good child.
Gorgeous photo. When Tricky climbs and jumps off furniture my mum just laughs… it’s my turn now to have an adventurous child with no sense of danger. So I’m lucky that I have that support (cos eye rolling is support, right?).
Eye rolling is a very valid form of support. I like the sound of your Mum 🙂
Beautiful photo. And I can see a resemblance in the tilt of the head.
And it sounds lovely to have someone so firmly in your corner. I don’t think I ever had it, and I envy your children and grandchildren for this gift that you and your mother were able to give.
Thankyou 🙂 This comment makes me feel heaps better.
I have one child who my Mum says I deserve (just as adventurous and independant as I was) and one who could so easily get lost in the school system.
You never stop worrying about them…
Great photo.
Amy will be rocking the world pretty shortly with both you and Veronica on her side 😉
Oh she will Rock it , that’s for sure Jayne.
Do you think that as you get a little older and see your grow with your children that it becomes a little easier to appreciate why your grandchilren may behave/respond as they do? I think grandparents may be about the balance between parents anxious to be the perfect child-carer and children and their mischievous ways. I wish my grandparents had been around long enough to be that balance and light in all our lives. People don’t know how lucky they are to have grandparents.
Thankyou Anne. I also think that by the time you become a grandparent (or in my case anyway) I have learnt not to worry about the little things. I wish your grand parents had been around a bit longer for you as well.
Are you receiving me?
loud and clear oh Super Ninja.
Grandparents are the best thing in the world. I miss mine like crazy. I can’t wait to be a grandparent, yet right now it’s not looking like it’s going to happen for a while.
I understand what you mean about school too. School refusing seems to me an intelligent response to the wrongness of our education system at times. I hope for something better in the future:).
I have been working with a group of students lately off campus. They don’t attend school for a variety of reasons. I have noticed how much more literate they are than when I worked with young people who didn’t attend much school in the early 90s. I think the internet has a positive effect in that regard.
I really enjoyed your post for lots of reasons:).
Thanks for commenting Joh, I am hoping to mentor a couple of kids next term off campus as well, If all goes to plan it should be good. I am pleased about the literacy as I see a lot of txt talk and atrocious spelling from the kids in my facebook stream. But that is probably because they are all using facebook from their mobiles and it is just the language to use with that tool.