On Sunday after a fabulous day out making clay creatures up at Oatlands, The Spouse told me that he had been coughing up blood.
For a MONTH.
We received the initial all clear last night after our GP told us The Spouse’s lung Xrays did not show any obvious signs of cancer. Today, The Spouse will have a CT scan to look for nodules (pre-cancerous growths) but our GP is treating the CT scan as a routine follow up and so I am not stressing about it as much as I was stressing about the Xrays.
I have all these words internet, so many words for my fear and my relief but as soon as I try and grab them they wriggle away and I find myself staring out the windows daydreaming.
The Spouses health is fragile but at least it isn’t lung cancer, I really do not think I could go through that again. David’s mental health is fragile but at least he is alive and the great weight of fear that was crushing me, has lifted.
I am about to go for a walk in the rain as I missed my walk yesterday.
Here is a photo from Tuesday’s walk of doom. The blue of the sky is pretty and the swirl of the clouds behind the tree were following the same lines as the dead branches. A tracery of death and vapour.
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What a huge weight you’ve been carrying.
Sending you hugs and strength xxxx
walk slowly and breath deeply Kim. This will flood your brain with oxygen and calm you.Cx
sigh
Can’t think of any of the right words to say – just sending hugs xxxxx
Hugs. To all of you. The weight you have been carrying must have been making your shoulders buckle.
Gawd there are so many of us going through tough times at the moment
Sending love and hugs
The copycat clouds could be the ghost of the tree. Lovely photo, one worth framing.
Has the Spouse been checked for TB?
Things that were once almost eradicated are beginning to rear their ugly heads again now that world travel is so common, with people from unimmunised countries going everywhere by plane and boat….And Asian Tiger Mosquitoes are hitching rides in goods and luggage, bringing diseases with them too.
Thank God. I always think you should never worry about things until you know what you are dealing with. But that’s impossible isn’t it? So glad it’s not cancer. Hope you find answers soon. x
Hi Kim,
I’m sending you wishes of hope and support . I suspect you are in a state of shock; but, strong. Your actions are ‘instinctive’, for this situation.
A another way of looking at sighing; sighing is and can be a good thing;
sighing is also a good way to for the ‘mindbody’, to help in, the release of things, and for stuff that no other communication can cover;
day dreaming is a coping mechanism that helps you cope and protects you, so you can take strength in difficult times, at a pace, so that you can deal with your circumstances.
Your walk helps you take in lots more oxygen; and centres you, taking solace in nature;
creativeness helps project your emotions ;
a great photo (*your strong talent*) resulting in a creative, poetic, focusing, meditative, photograph.
I hope the outcomes of the medical investigations have answers that just mean, new steps, to keep on, keeping well.
Words sometimes just don’t cover it, the words you shared, articulated “all this ” experience, very well.
Holding you and your husband in my thoughts.
Krista
Fucking hell. Can think of nothing appropriate so will leave it at that.
I love that photo from Tuesday.
xo
Have enjoyed catching up with you on your walks. Now I know what you were on about! And may your sighing soon be a sign of relief, dear Kim xox
I’m sorry you’re having such an awful time.
When you know what you are dealing with, you can make a plan and work things out. The in limbo mode is what fks us up. Best wishes Kimmy