I don’t know how many times I have answered the question,” Where is Veronica or where is David?” with,”Down at Mum’s.”
Easily a gazillion times.
As I am writing this, if I straighten up in my seat I can see Mum’s house. The house has been dark for a long time now. It has been empty for two months and I am still nowhere near ready to sell Mum’s house. It is hard.
We shared a boundary Mum and I. The children grew up having free run over the two properties. It was always easier to walk down the bush track to Mum’s rather than walk the half a kilometre it is by road.
When the children were smaller we would swim in the dam in the summer and try and crack the ice with rocks in the winter. David learned to stalk a wallaby and identify animal tracks down at Mum’s.
Veronica would take a book and sit in the clearing halfway down the hill and read for hours, then she would invariably end up down at Mum’s
There were countless weekend phonecalls, from the children saying, “We are at Nan’s,we are staying for tea and can we sleep the night please?”
This photo was taken this morning from my back verandah.If you look underneath the text you can see Mum’s house through the trees at the bottom of the hill.
When the new people move into Mum’s I will be able to see them from up here. I will be able to hear them talking. I will have to drive past them every fucking day.I will have to watch as they change Mum’s house into their house.I will have the country woman’s fear of bushfire because all newbies light a fire and have it escape from them and if there is an escaped burnoff it will run up the hill to us. *sigh*
Then there is Mum’s tree. A magnificent ancient stringybark below the house. A family of sugar gliders live in that tree.Will they chop it down? What will happen to the proteas that Mum planted? Will they shoot the Bettongs and the Potoroos that Mum loved? Will they have dogs that bark and drive me nuts? Will they make me sadder than I already am?
Veronica wrote a beautifully poignant post about how hard it has been to pack Mum’s life away into boxes.
We are going down to Mum’s again this weekend to pack up more of Mum’s things and possibly move out the last of Mum’s furniture. Veronica and I just get down to work and let practicalities take over. David mopes around aimlessly, muttering to himself, “This fucking sucks” and I snap at him for swearing, whilst at the same time silently agreeing with him that, “Yep this fucking well sucks big time baby.”
The only thing that is stopping me from digging my heels in and flat out refusing to sell the house is the fact that Mum and I had talked about it so much in the months before her death. Mum was adamant that I had to sell the house.
“You have to sell it Kimmy” was always her response to me saying I didn’t want to,” It will be my legacy to you.”
Mum’s legacy to me is so much more than the money the sale of her house will bring.
I am the woman that I am, because of my Mother. That is Mum’s legacy to me.
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It does suck bigtime. I remember how I felt when I sold the house and farm where I had grown up after my dad’s death.
sucks. hugely
hugs
I dunno how you would feel about it but I have an idea for you, maybe move in to it yourself? Or let one of your kids live there to keep it in the family? I think it would be very hard to part with it.
My father made me clean out my mother’s closets because ‘he couldn’t handle it’. Like I could?! I didn’t have room in the house for her stuff after I had gone through it all and picked out sweaters n such I couldn’t part with. The bags and bags of things I planned to donate sat in the trunk of my van for almost a year before I could part with it and even then I cried like a baby when I dropped it all off. *hugs to you*
Wouldn’t it be lovely if Veronica could move in there.
I don’t think you are ready yet to sell. Does it have to be sold, could you earn an income from renting it out either for holiday lets or rental to locals or family. Perhaps it could be used to teach photography courses or pottery. Perhaps a bed and breakfast. I know I may be clutching at straws but a legacy does not have to be financial gain,that is the legal definition of a legacy. The dictionary mentions property handed down through centuries to be kept within a family. I feel as though I may have been over familiar with my comment but your post left me wanting to think of a way where ‘selling’ is not the only option for you all. The location is so so beautiful, the memories so dear. Take time to decide, there is no need to rush and in the meantime when the arduous and emotionally draining task of house clearing takes place my thoughts are very much with you. A tough call and I wish I could just make all this pain go away.
*SNUFFLE*
D’s family is going through things, but his Granny has nothing. Less than nothing, really. There are a lot of people very sad and having a hard time watching her die. :[
I wish some really rich relative you never met before, but that you turn out to really like, hears of the place and buys it. I’m allowed to dream, too. :]
You’re not ready to sell it yet, to let it go.
It’s as much a part of your family as your mum was, Kim.
Put the idea of selling it on hold, there’s no rule that says you have to sell it within X amount of time.
Let the kids wander in and out and stay as they like to say their goodbyes. You’ll sell it one day but this is too hard and hurtful coming on top of losing your mum.
I agree with everyone else that you shouldn’t sell just yet, or at all. Keep the memories as long as you can there. Maybe David would like it as his home when he’s ready to leave the nest?
just testing
sad, too sad. and you should hold on for as long as you want.
David is very very right.
Painful to read Kim.
Um, I just read in my reader that you are a commentaholic and your husband’s… well…
Did you just write or update something lately?
My.
Oh goodness! Don’t know what to suggest – 50/50 sell and move on (emotionally) or keep it and use it for a family member or studio or something. I think watching it go through changes with a new owner would break my heart too.
If we ever moved from this house (been here 29 years) I wouldn’t want to see what the new owners do to it (only if it’s good changes .. the changes we could never have afforded to do – that would be nice to see new life, fresh and new – memories of the children growing up here (our youngest born here and never lived anywhere else)will always be memories but changes to the garden which I’ve toiled over ‘forever’ – that would be hard. It will happen though.
Sorry – haven’t helped at all!!!!!
I’m feeling for you. And agree with above – it would be lovely if Veronica could move in. It must be so bittersweet to have had her physically located so close for so long and yet now be so constantly reminded of you loss.
Day by day, I guess.
xx
A house is a strange thing. You make it yours but you cant really take it anywhere, you have to come home to it. Once you’re gone, someone else can ‘own’ it, but is it really their home? How long does it take before it becomes someones home? It’s all very hard. I don’t know if I could sell my own parent’s house.
The idea of Veronica and family moving in is a nice one, but there would be a lot to sort out, especially if your mum’s assets are to be split between family? Or you could have it sold to one of the children to keep it in the family? I dont know. I reckon there would be a lot to sort out.
It does suck when you have to deal with all of these things in between grieving.
oh, that must be so hard. When you’re ready, you’re ready.
But like someone else said… I think Veronica and family should move in!
Oh Kim,
You are an amazing woman. Your mum was so proud of you, I bet.
Biggest hugs. Hard days indeed.
*no troll here* Just came by to virtually hold your hand.
big hugs Kimme..
am thinking of ya
am here if ya need..
David is right.
Also, you are a wonderful woman, your Mum’s legacy is a good, strong one.
So true. You are the woman that you are because of her. Beautiful post. ((hugs))
And YOU are a beautiful human being. Just needed to add that.
Don’t sell if you don’t want it. Do it when you are ready for such a serious step…
Fuck it. I don’t know if I still have the right to comment here, but, Fuck it. Do what feels right for you.
Love you xo